I wrote this piece as a 2013 follow-up to the previous article which mentions my 'Christmas Effect'.
It’s November now, which means Christmas adverts have been
playing for a good month already. By and large it seems we have the same
diversity of last year- snow, snowmen, snowballs and (s)no(w)thing else, which
upsets me- it’s rare enough to find good adverts during the rest of the year
but this is meant to be the season where the marketing department pulls out all
the stoppers and goes to town on their budget- instead it seems they spent it
on whiskey and carrots. To pay tribute to this dastardly affair, I’ll count you
down the three worst adverts I could find (the only three I could remember).
The
first advert I am going to discuss is the Morrisons advert. They slip up right
from the start line as Ant & Dec slip in through the background while a
poorly animated gingerbread man tries (and fails) to make us remember the one
from Shrek. The whole advert consists of the character dancing around a
lavishly loaded table covered in food, singing a song (not-so-subtly) stolen
from a musical and winning audience sympathy by pelting And & Dec with
food. That’s really all there is to say- it’s an advert for Christmas. What
more do you want? Push off.
Tom’s
Verdict: It’s slightly Christmassy, but let’s face it a table full of food has
been done hundreds of times to the point of cliché. 1/10, good effort.
Next up is the Boots advert.
I’m only joking, we all know how awful their adverts are.
In fact, next is the Marks and Spencers
advert, solely because it was the #2 result I found on YouTube. The advert
starts with a dog running into a back alley and a woman chasing after it.
Sounds eerily like the beginning of an episode of Supernatural, doesn’t it? No demons show up unfortunately, and the
woman falls down a manhole into Wonderland. Not exactly sounding festive
either, is it? This paves the way for the Mad Hatter’s tea party, in this case
your generic Christmas-table shot showing table brimming with food # 135 this
year. Gradually the adventure takes the woman through a walking tour of some of
M&S’s food, clothing and furniture with a ghastly wailing soundtrack that
will give me nightmares for months. The true insult of this advert is the fact
that the creators had the audacity to drag it on over two and a half minutes! In that time I could, say, listen to a good
song, make myself a nice drink, or microwave my head. There’s snow and food so
I suppose technically this is a Christmas advert, but it was too dull and
lacking in interest to make it memorable.
Tom’s
Verdict: Sorry, what happened again? 0/10, better luck next time.
The main offender this year is of
course ‘The Hare and the Bear’, coming from… Actually, who is it coming from?
The only time any company name is mentioned -and it’s John Lewis, for anyone
rushing to google- is for a brief second at the end. There are no products
visible at any point through the entirety of the advert. The advert consists of
Disney-style animations in which a hare and a bear become friends (because
screw you mother nature!). They decide to hibernate and when Christmas comes
they wake up to open presents under a tree, as animals do, however disaster
strikes when the bear forgets to set his alarm clock and wakes up a few seconds
later than everyone else. That’s the emotional part. Yup. The music played is a
cover of Keane- that’s right, it’s so boring that Keane was deemed too upbeat for it.
Tom’s
Verdict: I’m sure the advert is meant to touch an emotional nerve, in which
case the marketing team needs a better surgeon. Overall the overly downcast and
‘artsy’ stylisation of the advert hugely miss the festive spirit. -12/10, NEVER
AGAIN.
Tom’s
2013 Christmas Advert Roundup: No Slade = No good.
Tom Bedford 11/11/2013 (Happy 2 years Skyrim) 19:30
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