Inspired by both the Fallout franchise and an article I read called 'What Your Man Wants For Christmas' for English Language A2, this is an advert for a place in an underground Vault in the Fallout universe. If you don't know, it's a post-apocalyptic setting with a twist- it's seen through the eyes of traditional 50s viewpoints, hopes and expectations.
What Your Woman Really Wants For Christmas!
Christmas Shopping.
Crowds of people, stacks of useless items, discounted prices. What a drag! Here
at Vault-Tec©, we understand the pain that people go through to find a great
gift for their loved ones- and we have a solution. Whether you’re looking for a
gift for your lovely children, charming wife or irritable in-laws, Vault-Tec ©
has the perfect present to give everybody- an exclusive place in one of our
wonderful underground vaults!
Vault Secure!
Our analysts have
spent years studying complicated politics and science- don’t worry, you don’t
need to know the details! They discovered that nuclear war is coming soon, and
coming fast- but it doesn’t have to come to you! Our vaults are deep
underground where even the worms can’t find you, and they are protected by
legions of helpful Protectron© robots from our friends at RobCo©. Nothing is
getting in or out of those great metal doors- no nasty bombs, scary raiders or
ugly ghouls! Send in for an information pack and we’ll send you a free men’s
limited edition Vault-Tec© t-shirt! Remember- a safe family is a happy family!
A Brighter Future…
Underground!
Vault-Tec© vaults use
only the most modern and attractive amenities- we know you’re worth it! Your
woman will be comfortable and happy as well as safe in her kitchen with such
innovative utilities such as Vault-Tec© toasters, Vault-Tec© fridges and
Vault-Tec© ovens. There is also a brilliant Mr Handy in each kitchen from our
buddies at Robco©- we wouldn’t want your wife to be left alone in such a
dangerous place! When your wife is busy in the kitchen you can also watch your
sweet little daughter play on one of the many Giddyup Buttercup toys found in
the Vault, or join your little tyke of a son on the shooting range helping to
clear out radroaches. There’s never a dull moment in a Vault-Tec© Vault!
Hard Work Is Happy
Work!
The world ending
doesn’t mean you’re unemployed in a Vault! Each vault needs doctors, teachers,
security guards and of course an Overseer amongst other roles. Whatever your
skill is, Vault-Tec© could use some-one just like you to make our Vaults the
ideal place to live. While you’re supporting your family you will also be
supporting your friends- you’ll be the most popular fellow in the Vault! And in
our Vaults you don’t need to share your earnings with anyone else- that’s
Commie talk, and this is America- land of freedom and peace! If you’re a
discerning character who thinks that you were born to lead sign up for a
Vault-Tec© leadership course to see if you could make a dashing Overseer,
guaranteeing your family the nicest home in the whole Vault!
We’ll Be There!
Vault-Tec© is
America’s biggest friend. We want to protect our proud people, their glorious
nation and the swell lifestyle that they live, which is why we designed the
Vaults for you. Each of our Vaults is designed to last for hundreds of years-
we don’t want anyone to leave with that horrid radiation burning away! Included
in all Vaults is a wonderful G.E.C.K- Garden of Eden Creation Kit, your very
own tool to turn any abominable wasteland into a living, breathing, fertile
area of natural beauty, revitalising the Earth once again. All you need to do is
add water and stir- even your woman could do it! To top that all off, for each
place you book in one of our excellent underground Vaults, we’ll send you and
your family one of our limited-edition Vault-Tec© bobbleheads, showing our
mascot Vault Boy in amusing positions! Choose between thumbs up, hands on hip
or any one of our themed skill bobbleheads- show off the man you really are.
This was going to be part of my coursework but it isn't any more. Tom Bedford 27/11/2013 17:46
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